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My Brother Miguel’s Voice & Perspective

Would You Be Willing To Report A Family Member For Financial Elder Abuse? The National Center on Elder Abuse noted that most abusers are family members. And they tell us that only 44 out of 1000 instances of abuse are reported to authorities. Why aren’t more cases reported to the very authorities capable of stopping the abusers? We must stop this $2.9 Billion dollar a year problem. If you know of someone being financially abused, please speak up!  You can remain anonymous in your reporting, just as you can with any crime.

1 a IGHOn March 14th, 2016 I received a panicked call from my mother in San Diego saying that she didn’t have enough money in her account to pay the rent. My 85 year old mother, Irma “Paquita” Hornedo, had been living by herself in a senior community and was receiving a subsidy that lowered her rent from the San Diego Housing Commission due to her low income. Her income during that time was a total of $1,802.14 per month from Social Security plus a small pension from the school district she had worked for. I told her to go to her bank and call me from there. She called me and with the aid of The bank’s rep we discovered that her account had been overdrawn and had dipped into her over-draft account because she had given a check of $1,000 to my youngest brother Sam on March 2nd. She had also given him a check for $500.00 back in February of 2016. I explained to my mother that this had to stop and that she couldn’t afford to keep helping my youngest (51 year old) brother in this way because she simply couldn’t afford to do this on her limited income. I explained that he was old enough to handle his own finances and shouldn’t have been depending on her. I extracted a promise from her that she wouldn’t give him any more money and I sent her a check for $500.00. At that time I had just been laid off. I contacted my middle brother, Elwin who lives in Texas and explained to him what I had discovered. He sent my mother a check for $1,000 to help her out. Elwin and I began planning a trip to meet in San Diego to help my mother out with managing her finances and any other help we could set up for her. We planned the trip for June of that year. I would be coming from Colorado and Elwin from Texas.

The last time I had seen my mother was the previous Thanksgiving. We had flown her to Texas to join Elwin’s family and my wife and my daughter and I so we could celebrate the holiday together. We had invited Sam and his family from San Diego as well but Christina, Sam’s wife said they couldn’t attend for financial reasons. I hadn’t seen my mother for a couple of years and I was astonished and heartbroken at how frail and skinny she looked. She had always been a slim person but when we weighed her with clothes on the scale came to 74lbs! We noticed that her short term memory was beginning to slip as well. We knew then that we would have to keep a closer watch on her and began to make general plans to start doing that. This would entail calling her more frequently and start thinking about getting her into an independent or assisted care facility. Then I received that call the following March.

After having learned that my mother had been giving money she didn’t have to give to my youngest brother Sam, I sent him the following email:

Sam,

I know that we haven’t been the closest of brothers for which I take much of the blame. I know I could have attempted to reach out to you more over the years and I apologize for this. This grieves me and I wish that our family was closer. I know that you and Christina are currently having problems but I am also hopeful that you will work things out through the marriage counseling that you are both undergoing. I know that you were away from your family for a while and that this caused an estrangement between yourself and your daughters. I am very sorry to hear this as the most precious possessions we have are the relationships with our loved ones. I know this first hand because there was a time when Bianca and I were estranged. We have repaired that relationship and are now on great terms.

I hope that you know that I care about you as my youngest brother and as a brother in Christ. I hope you know that I am writing to you now out of a concern that is borne of that love. The truth is that I need to confront you about an important matter. I would rather speak to you about it over the phone but you have not returned my phone calls. Recently it came to my attention that you borrowed $1,000 from Mami a couple of months ago. My understanding is that you told her that you needed this money because you couldn’t pay your rent. The truth is that Mami didn’t have the money to spare either but yet she gave it to you not knowing how adversely it would impact her own finances. I am requesting that you return that money to her as soon as possible. It is obvious that a 51 year old son should not be asking his 85 year old mother for help with rent. If your finances are in such dire conditions, get some help but don’t go preying on a frail, easily taken advantage of 85 year old woman (your mother!).

Elwin and I are going to soon spend 3 days in June with Mami to help her get some things together. We may or may not see you but that may be a good time for a reconciliation between us. I certainly welcome that if you are open to it. I have heard that you are upset that we don’t communicate with you or keep you apprised of what it is we are planning in regards to our mother, but you should understand our reluctance to keep you in the loop: your recent behavior does not make you a trustworthy person in our eyes.

I know I should have confronted you earlier and that Elwin has already confronted you. I just hope that you take these rebukes the right way, not in anger and as an attack on you but as an opportunity to look within yourself, look to our Lord for help and begin healing your life.

Please know that I am praying for you and that I love you as a brother.

From the heart, your brother,

Miguel

Sam never responded to this email but the day before Elwin and I were scheduled to arrive in San Diego, we received the following text from him:

“Hello, please do not make an effort to see me when you’re here. I have way too much other stuff going on and don’t want the additional stress. I’m firm on this and would appreciate you both to respect my wishes.”

I wasn’t going to get into an argument with him so I just responded: “NP bro. I’m praying for you.”

Well, Elwin and I had already made an appointment to take our mother to her Bank so that we could get on her accounts and more closely protect what little assets she had. We set up a joint account for all three of us in which only Elwin and I had control. We also got put on our mother’s account to be able to monitor it and transfer money to the joint account as needed. We started setting up automatic payments for her bills so that she wouldn’t have to concern herself with them. I had also previously contacted Jewish Family Services (JFS) in San Diego to send a representative to meet all of us together and do an evaluation of my mother’s capacities. We could also sign my mom up for services they provided such as transportation, home visits and food. This was scheduled for our visit. Finally, we scheduled and took her to see her doctor at Kaiser. I had previously made the arrangements for myself and Elwin to obtain medical Power of Attorney for her. We wanted to express our concern regarding my mother’s lack of weight and get the doctor’s opinion regarding the onset of dementia that my mother may have been experiencing.

1 Pic IGHThe meeting with the evaluator from JFS went well. She thought that my mom was doing very well compared to other elderly folk she had visited. The doctor showed us the range of my mother’s weight over the years which tended to fluctuate in pounds between the low 70s to the mid-80s. At the time of the Doctor’s visit my mom had increased her weight to 80lbs which appeared to be within her norm. The doctor concluded that my mother was experiencing “age appropriate” memory loss. All of the above findings reassured us and we thought that we were starting to get things under control until we started looking at her bank account for the previous year and one half.

What a shocker that turned out to be. My mother had broken her promise to no longer help Sam financially. Not only that, we could never have imagined the extent to which she had been helping him. Between ourselves, we ended up calling my mom’s propensity to “help” Sam financially, his own personal ATM. When we started to look back in my mother’s checking account, we found that she had given him $13,525 since September of 2014 (this from a woman whose net income was less than $21,626 per year). Since we had sent her money to help her pay her rent in March, she had written him checks for $400 on May 20th and another one for $250 on June 7th, just two days before Elwin and I were scheduled to fly in and help her. We felt betrayed. With the money that we were giving her to help her out, she was turning around and subsidizing our youngest brother’s fiscal irresponsibility and dependence. When asked for an explanation, our mom stated that she was helping him because he was intimating that he couldn’t pay his rent. Needless to say, Elwin and I were very upset with our mother, our brother, and the whole situation.

Below is an excerpt of a list of checks my Mom gave Sam from September 2014 to May 2016:

Amount Date Check Written
$800.00 9/5/2014
$25.00 9/30/2014
$1,200.00 10/6/2014
$800.00 11/27/2014
$1,200.00 1/6/2015
$1,200.00 1/29/2015
($800.00) 2/20/2015
$800.00 4/5/2015
$1,000.00 5/7/2015
$1,300.00 6/1/2015
$1,000.00 7/6/2015
$250.00 7/15/2015
$250.00 9/4/2015
$500.00 10/31/2015
$200.00 11/21/2015
$500.00 12/3/2015
$100.00 12/4/2015
$500.00 1/2/2016
$550.00 1/23/2016
$500.00 2/4/2016
$1,000.00 3/7/2016
$400.00 5/20/2016
$250.00 6/7/2016

After we found out in March how Sam had been receiving money from my mother, my brother Elwin, emailed Sam that if he asked for another penny from her, he would report Sam to Adult Protective Services (APS) and to the San Diego Police Department’s Elderly Abuse Division. He did this in June when we found out that Sam was continuing to ask for and receive money (that she couldn’t afford to give). The APS case was assigned to Avery Ware who attempted to contact Sam who never returned any of his calls. Mr. Ware did eventually speak face to face with Sam and his wife Christina after he had filed a police report.

That Friday night, June 10th, 2016, Elwin and I were faced with a dilemma. That night, Sam’s wife, Christina, and Sam’s three daughters were coming over to visit with us at my Mom’s apartment. I was leaving to return to Colorado the next day. Should we tell Christina what we had discovered that very day about our brother’s financial abuse of our mom? We decided to hold off so that Andrea, Elwin’s spouse could call Christina and disclose our findings to her woman to woman. We didn’t know if Christina had been complicit in this abuse and we wanted to gauge her reaction when she heard the news. That last evening was difficult, holding a secret knowing what their husband and father had done. Sam’s oldest daughter Leia made a comment during the conversation which proved ironic. She was working and supporting herself and said something to the effect that she wasn’t depending on anyone financially. I thought to myself, “If you only knew what your father has been doing”.

Elwin and I have been criticized by Sam’s daughters for bringing this elderly abuse to light. They have stated that this is a private family matter and we shouldn’t be airing this dirty laundry. I can understand that. It is embarrassing and hard to believe that your own Dad is taking advantage of their grandmother in this fashion. When we found out the extent of the abuse, we were flabbergasted. With every revelation uncovered about how he had taken advantage of our mother, I couldn’t believe it and thought it couldn’t get worse but the facts are undisputable. We are publicizing this behavior by my youngest brother, Samuel A. Hornedo, (a worship leader in several Christian churches in the San Diego area) because he has not come forward to take responsibility for his actions even though he has been given many opportunities to come clean. Therefore, this is a cautionary tale about safeguarding our elderly parents who are often most vulnerable to abuse by their dearest loved ones.

This is only the beginning of the story. As we proceeded and investigated further, we discovered that there were hundreds of thousands of dollars missing from a trust account that my mother had set up. Writing my recollections of this story brings back feelings that I would rather not re-experience. Also, as we continue to write about it, many occurrences will read like fiction because they are hard to believe. We would often comment that we couldn’t make this stuff up. It is truly stranger than fiction.

By Miguel Hornedo

Perpetrators of Elder Abuse Are Usually Family Members

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The Visit Part 3

1 fraudThe Consumer Financial Protection Board issued a 62-page report and an 8-page advisory in 2016 calling on banks and credit unions to do their part to prevent, recognize, report and respond to elder financial abuse. Many large financial institutions have special dedicated teams to combat elder fraud already, and smaller ones have creative approaches like a fraud busters program that recognizes tellers who catch a thief, but the approaches really run the gamut in terms of how robust they are, says Naomi Karp, senior policy analyst with CFPB’s Office for Older Americans.

As we found out the depth of the Financial Abuse perpetrated by my brother Samuel Hornedo we then had a decision to make. Would we tell Sam’s wife Christina of the fraud and money he had been taking? When would we bring it up as she was coming over to my mothers apartment with my nieces. Did she know about it?  At the time we thought that based on the history of lies and deception by Sam that she was probably an innocent in this whole situation.  Miguel and I decided to wait and to just have a nice visit and not bring anything up just yet.

The things we found out on the visit; in the prior year My brother Samuel Hornedo had managed to get approximately $13,000 in checks and cash from my mother. Between overdraft Loans and Fees it totaled over $16,000. We also found that Samuel had used her credit cards and perpetrated Credit Card Fraud and Identity theft.  We could not find her missing money, her will and trust was missing as well as any records of various checking, savings and investment accounts. She was definitely was suffering some Cognitive Impairment.  She could not manage her bills anymore and could not be trusted with her checkbook.

What we did to stem the Financial Issues caused by my brother and her cognitive issues was the following:

  • We opened a new Joint Checking Account so we could keep an eye on her money.
  • We were able to get on her Credit Card accounts and requested the complete history of transactions from them.
  • We took away her Checks and set up online Auto-pay for all of her bills.
  • We took over paying her rent from the new account.
  • The bank was aware of the financial abuse and promised to contact us anytime our mother came into the bank.  They were aware and knew who was perpetrating the abuse.
  • We contacted the credit card companies and had the account #’s changed.
  • We contacted Adult Protective Services and opened up a case file.
  • We contacted the San Diego District Attorney who specialized in Elder Abuse.
  • We made all of my mothers friends aware of what the situation was as well as all of our extended family.
  • We started looking into setting up a conservatorship or getting a Durable Power of Attorney.
  • With the help of free legal council we had my mother write a new will.

In the next blog post my brother Miguel will give his perspective on this visit and what the plans would be going forward. We created this blog to bring light to this situation and to help others identify and prevent this from happening to them. Please Repost!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Visit Part 2

elder-scamThe capability to make decisions regarding one’s financial assets is one of the first abilities to decline as cognitive impairment encroaches, according to a report by the AARP Public Policy Institute. This decline of skills – often referred to as diminished capacity – can occur well before a diagnosis of a neurodegenerative disease such as Alzheimer’s and/or dementia. Given that diminished capacity greatly impairs one’s ability to make financial decisions, its detection is critical to protecting the elder from financial harm.

We had made an appointment with my mother’s doctor to address her weight and her memory.  When we visited the doctor and brought up our concern that she weighed 80 pounds he assured us this was normal for her.  He then showed us that her weight fluctuated between 75 to 85 pounds and this was normal.  We later found out that a few years earlier this same doctor had diagnosed her as being malnourished. He did a brief memory test on her and decided that she only suffered from age appropriate memory loss.  This was a bit of relief but it still concerned us that it seemed worse than that. He then scheduled a bone density test and a CT scan of her brain.

Miguel and I continued to go through our mothers files looking for any other accounts that she may have had.   We then found out the depth of the financial abuse perpetrated by Samuel Hornedo. She did not know where all her money had gone. She did not remember the $150,000 life insurance payout that she had gotten when her ex-husband died. She did not remember how my younger brother had gotten and used her credit cards. On her Citibank Credit card we found the following:

DATE DESCRIPTION AMOUNT
7/26/2015 PAYPAL *CANDYGIRL7U   4029357733    CA  $149.21
7/27/2015 STATE OF CALIF DMV INT 800-7770133   CA  $193.00
7/27/2015 STATE OF CALIF DMV INT 800-7770133   CA  $217.00
8/11/2015 PAYPAL *BANDINDUSTR   4029357733    CA  $99.00
8/12/2015 STATE OF CALIF DMV INT 800-7770133   CA  $14.00
11/11/2015 CHRISTIAN MOTORCYCLIST 8703896196   AR  $15.75
11/20/2015 ATT*BILL PAYMENT       800-288-2020  TX  $1,102.79
1/20/2016 CHECK N GO COLLECTIONS 513-2296745   OH  $63.00
2/20/2016 CHECK N GO COLLECTIONS 513-2296745   OH  $252.00
TOTAL  $2,105.75 

The State of California  DMV payments were for the registration of the 3 cars Sam and Christina Hornedo own.  My mother was not a Christian Motorcyclist and was not in a band.  The AT&T bill payment was not for my mothers account and The Check N Go Collections were all Sam.  Finally, there were more PayPal Payments to CANDYGIRL7U totaling over $600. CANDYGIRL7U was a woman named Lourdes who my brother Sam was sending money to with my mothers credit card through PayPal. We at this point contacted Citibank Visa and reported the Credit Card Fraud/Identity Theft and with my mothers consent got access to manage her accounts. They say Truth is Stranger than Fiction and this became painfully true.  In all of my life Miguel and I had never seen anything like this…we were beyond astonished! We found more financial abuse and fraud the more we dug into the documentation we had.  More to come in part 3. Please repost and Re-Tweet this blog to help bring awareness to Financial Elder Abuse.

Financial Elder Abuse – Please Help Us Spread The Word‎

Elderly financial abuse and exploitation prevention – AgingCare.com

The Visit

Losing the capacity to manage your financial affairs is a frightening prospect, and watching a loved one lose capacity is just as daunting. It seems incredible that anyone would take advantage of such circumstances, but unfortunately it is all too common.

In June of 2016 My brother Miguel and I Flew to San Diego to check on my mother and her finances. We had scheduled a doctor’s appointment and an Elder evaluation by Jewish Family Services as well as a visit to her bank.  Before going out to San Diego my older brother Miguel had sent an email to Samuel in an attempt to talk to him regarding the money situation.

Recently it came to my attention that you borrowed $1,000 from Mami a couple of months ago. My understanding is that you told her that you needed this money because you couldn’t pay your rent. The truth is that Mami didn’t have the money to spare either but yet she gave it to you not knowing how adversely it would impact her own finances. I am requesting that you return that money to her as soon as possible. It is obvious that a 51 year old son should not be asking his 85 year old mother for help with rent. If your finances are in such dire conditions, get some help but don’t go preying on a frail, easily taken advantage of 85 year old woman (your mother!).
Elwin and I are going to soon spend 3 days in June with Mami to help her get some things together. We may or may not see you but that may be a good time for a reconciliation between us. I certainly welcome that if you are open to it. I have heard that you are upset that we don’t communicate with you or keep you apprised of what it is we are planning in regards to our mother, but you should understand our reluctance to keep you in the loop: your recent behavior does not make you a trustworthy person in our eyes.

Prior to going out to San Diego we had been trying to get a hold of our brother Samuel Hornedo to discuss and try to understand the situation.  Calls, texts and emails were never answered until prior to our arrival where Miguel got the following text:

Hello, please do not make an effort to see me when you’re here. I have way too much other stuff going on and don’t want the additional stress. I’m firm on this and would appreciate you both to respect my wishes.
Sent from my iPhone

We were a little bit astonished but not entirely surprised as all we got was silence from Samuel. When we arrived in San Diego, Miguel and I picked up our mother and went to her bank.  We informed the bank of the Elder Financial Abuse and decided to open a joint account that my brother and I would share with her and manage.  At this point we transferred most of her money to the Joint account and I proceeded to set up all of her bills on auto pay so she wouldn’t have to write checks or even have any need for them.  This way when she needed money (Cash) we would transfer money into her account so she could withdraw it and we would know where the money was going. The reason we took over her finances was that we suspected that she was in the early stages of dementia and in her diminished capacity would continue to miss bill payments and continue to be taken advantage of by my brother Samuel Hornedo.  After we made the bank aware of the financial abuse they informed us that they would watch out for my mother and call us if she came in for a cash withdrawal and who she was with.

We gained access to her checking account and started going through her transactions and found that she was still writing checks to Samuel. In the prior year he had managed to get approximately $13,000 in checks and cash from my mother. Between overdraft Loans and Fees it totaled over $16,000. We also found that Samuel had used her credit cards to pay the registration on his 3 cars, purchases from Guitar Center and multiple PayPal payments to a woman (not his wife Christina).

As I promised I contacted Adult Protective Services after I got back from San Diego and opened up an investigation into the Financial Abuse perpetrated by my brother Samuel Hornedo.  In the next post I will detail the depth of the financial abuse.  What would you have done?

Addressing Diminished Capacity: Recognizing and Protecting Against …

National Center on Elder Abuse

Department of Justice Elder Justice Initiative

 

 

The Discovery

I have been questioned as to why I am writing this blog and specifically naming names.  The reason behind it is to bring to light the all too common occurrence of Elderly Abuse.  If I can help one person avoid being abused or help someone identify the signs of abuse and stop it, then it is worth it.  It is also to expose and make accountable those who took advantage of my mother (Samuel Arnaldo Hornedo & Christina Hornedo) for their own selfish benefit. Finally, it is a way for me to cope with what has happened and the injustice of it all. My hope is that those of you that read this will repost and re-tweet my entries and that way more people can be made aware of this issue in general.

‘Financial exploitation occurs when a person misuses or takes the assets of a vulnerable adult for his own personal benefit. This frequently occurs without the explicit knowledge or consent of a senior or disabled adult, depriving him/her of vital financial resources for his/her personal needs.’

In the case of the exploitation of my mother by my brother Sam Hornedo and his wife Christina Meehan Hornedo they took advantage of her vulnerability due to her mental status and her codependent relationship with them.

In March of 2016 my brother Miguel called me to tell that my mother had called him in a panic to tell him that she did not have enough money to pay her rent.  It turns out that she had written a check for $1,000 to my brother Sam so that he could pay his rent.  She said that he had come to her crying that he couldn’t pay his rent (more on this later). My older brother who was unemployed at the time sent her $500 and I sent her $1,000 to make sure that she could pay her rent which was all of $540 and have money for food and expenses.  We talked to my mother and told her that she could not give her youngest son (51) money that she did not have.

I sent my brother Sam an email that stated if he ever tried to discuss finances (sic) with my mother other than paying her back that I would call Adult Protective Services and the police on him.  I expressed my disappointment and embarrassment that a 51 year old man was dependent on his frail 85 year old mother who was on a fixed income.

My older brother and I then planned to go out and visit my mother in San Diego to review her living conditions, finances, visit her doctor and speak with my younger brother.  What would you have done at this point? Please re-post this blog.

‘Assets are commonly taken via forms of deception, false pretenses, coercion, harassment, duress and threats.’

There is more detailed information about financial exploitation here.

https://www.wiserwomen.org/pdf_files/WISERNurseFraudAbuse.pdf

 

The Story Continues…

In 2015 my older brother Miguel (the good and honest one) called me and asked if he and his wife could come for Thanksgiving and also suggested that we fly my mother out since we hadn’t seen her in a couple of years.  When I went to pick her up at the airport I was shocked at what I saw.  As my cousin had stated, she was frail and was skin and bones. As many of you know there comes a point in your life where the roles get reversed and you become the parent and your parent becomes the child. This is a role that my brother and I took on out of necessity but mostly out of love for this beautiful woman.  She weighed all of 74 lbs. and we saw that her memory was failing badly.  After she had gotten back from visiting she called me to see if I could send her the monthly check as she was having difficulties making ends meet (In my last post I mentioned that she would tell me that the money I was sending her was going into her savings, by this time I had sent her approximately $3800 over the prior year). I sent her the money and then my older brother called stating that she had called him as she was overdrawn on her checking account.  He sent her $500 and told her to go to her bank and call him when she got there. The bank stated that she had maxed out her overdraft and when we asked her why, she stated she had paid off a loan she had gotten a couple of years earlier but could not remember what it was for.  Again, I asked “You aren’t giving your money to Sam (Sam Hornedo my younger brother) are you?” She told me “No” and that she does not have money to give.  It turns out that she was lying either out of shame or to protect my younger brother. What we found out in the next couple of months was astonishing, sickening and sad. Stay tuned…..

If you suspect a senior is being financially abused, report the situation to the proper authorities, who can then make a decision about whether or not to investigate. Every state has at least one toll-free number—either an elder abuse hotline or an elder abuse helpline—to call to when elder abuse is suspected.

Some states, such as California, have an Elder Abuse Act to provide remedies for elders who’ve been financially abused. Some links below:

Elder Financial Exploitation | National Adult Protective Services

Consumer Financial Protection Bureau 

Spotting elder financial abuse | Consumer Information

 

The Signs

Both men and women are financial abuse targets, but more women are exploited and abused because they live longer. In addition, the targets…

  • Typically live alone or with a non-spouse relative
  • Have assets (a mortgage-free home, jewelry, etc.) and resources (bank, savings, retirement and investment accounts)
  • Often have chronic conditions — arthritis, heart disease, cognitive impairment, etc. — that make it difficult to get out and isolate them.
  • Were raised in a time when women were taught to be giving, nice and polite √          

Unfortunately all the bullet points above were checked off for my mother.

We did not find out about the Financial Abuse until 2016 when it all unraveled and my mother asked for help.  Prior to that there had been some signs and I wish I had paid better attention. That is now in the past and the least I can do is make people aware of this issue and tell my story.

The first sign was an email sent to me and my brothers from my cousin (who was like a daughter to my mother). The following are excerpts from that email:

I recently had the pleasure of visiting with your mom. You all know that she is very special to me and it always frustrates me when I have to go so long between visits.  The rest is not so easy for me to say.  Her living situation is the following:
•       Health – morbidly thin, nothing but skin hanging on a very small skeletal frame.  She is hard of hearing, with an unbalanced wobbly gait. She has a difficult time navigating stairs. This is probably the reason that she cannot carry groceries to her apartment on the second level and the lack of food contributes to her malnourishment.
•       Her physical condition and challenging steps also contributes to her inability to do laundry.
•       Her physical condition limits her driving ability and therefore she only navigates within a very restricted geographic parameter (thank God).
•       Her finances have grown tighter, limiting her ability to: shop for enough groceries;  request and physically move to a first floor location; and finally, follow-up with her healthcare needs (she has not seen a doctor since January, but has lost significant weight and has grown alarmingly weaker since then).

At her age, she really needs to have support and be surrounded by a loving family. She may only have a few months to a couple of years left and it would be terribly sad and grossly shameful to receive a call alerting any one of you regarding the finding of a lifeless body, and to learn of your mother’s death in a lonely apartment surrounded by no one.  It is not my intent to be critical, but to raise awareness. She may have successfully hidden her situation from you and I’m just trying to bring clarity to her situation.”

At the point that I received this email I was sending my mother anywhere from $250 to $500 per month to help her out and finish paying back the interest on a loan she had given me.  I called her immediately and spoke to her regarding the information I had gotten from my dear cousin. She assured me she was fine and that the doctor had given her a clean bill of health.  I proceeded to tell her that if she ever needed money beyond what I was giving her to not hesitate to ask.  She told me she was fine and had plenty of money in savings. After this I started calling her more frequently.  She would forget why I was sending her money and I told her that I had paid off the principal of the loan she had given me years earlier and now I was paying back the interest that we had agreed on. I then had the thought to ask her “You aren’t giving the money I am sending you to Sam (Sam Hornedo my younger brother) are you?” She told me “No” that the money was going into her savings.  We now know that it along with whatever money she had was going to Sam and there was no more savings.  I will continue this story in my next blog post.  What I learned from this is to be more involved and a little bit nosy in order to make sure that your elderly parents are not being taken advantage of and to be more involved in their lives.  I have to live with this but maybe I can help someone else avoid this sad and disgusting situation.